


Ahora Me Llama

by kasaundra1



Category: Political RPF, Post-Biblical Jewish RPF
Genre: (implied) abusive relationship, Antisemitism, M/M, Swearing, angry phone messages, ex-boyfriend, post breakup, this was based off a stupid crack pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 18:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kasaundra1/pseuds/kasaundra1
Summary: Saddam Hussein is angered that Bibi Netanyahu moved on, and so he leaves a series of angry voicemails.





	Ahora Me Llama

*Phone Rings*  
Saddam: Come on Bibi, pick up.  
Voicemail: Hello, you have reached Benjamin Netanyahu. Sorry I can’t come to the phone. Please leave a message at the tone, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you and Shalom.  
Saddam: Bibi, this is Saddam, please pick up. I need to talk to you.  
*Hangs up*  
Saddam: Okay, I can sit there and wait, he’ll call back again. I just know it. *Starts getting antsy, and Saddam sighs*  
Saddam: (Picks up phone and dials Bibi’s number)  
Saddam: Bibi, it’s me, I’m sorry about what I said, please pick up. I need to talk to you. (Hangs up phone).  
(Saddam picks up newspaper and reads section on Middle East)  
Saddam: He’ll pick up. I just know it. (Sighs) God damn it.  
(Picks up phone and dials Bibi’s number again)  
Saddam: Bibi, we need to talk. I’m sorry about what I said, I know I really fucked up really bad. Please take me back.  
(Hangs up)  
(Saddam then sits in his seat and flips on the TV, suddenly a broadcast of the Israeli Elections come up, and Bibi appears on the TV, and gives a sharp kiss on the cheek of Naftali Bennett)  
Saddam: (temper starts to rise) God damn it, Bibi’s already moved on to someone else? He could at least call and tell me that he is over me. (Picks up phone and dials Bibi’s number)  
(Number goes to voicemail and Bibi’s voicemail repeats)  
Saddam: (Angrily) Bibi, I swear to god, If you don’t pick up your phone---(stops himself), it’s alright if you see another man and that you’ve moved on, but you don’t need to fucking flaunt it in my face. (Hangs up)  
(Saddam then turns back to the TV, and sees Bibi Netanyahu at a ball, dancing with Naftali Bennett, then ends the dance with a long heated kiss with Bennett)  
Saddam then picks up the phone and again dials Bibi’s number. The call goes to voicemail  
Saddam: (Furiously) Bibi, someone pick up!!! I hope you’re happy, you just have to twist the knife and kick me while I’m down. That’s so typical of a dirty rotten Jew! (Furiously hangs up)  
(Saddam then eases back into his seat, then notices what he said, picks up the phone, and again dials Bibi’s number)  
Saddam: Bibi, I’m so sorry about what I said in that last message. I’m sorry for everything. I should’ve treated you better, and I’m sorry for treating you like everything that went wrong in our relationship was your fault. I just want to say that I’m sorry, and you know who to call if you want to make up. (Clicks the phone and hangs up)  
(Saddam then attempts to take his mind off his ex then starts flipping through channels. He finds one that he likes, but it shows Eytan Fox’s The Bubble. Saddam then starts to get angry, then picks up the phone and dials Bibi’s number)  
Voicemail: Hello, you’re reached Benjamin Netanyahu and Naftali Bennett, sorry we can’t come to the phone. Please leave a message at the tone and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. Thank you and shalom.  
Saddam: (By now is furious) Bibi! Did the two years we spent together mean anything to you? All the sex, all the love, and all the passion, did that mean anything to you? Now you move on and flaunt this in my face! I hope you and Naftali Bennett have a wonderful wedding, and I hope you two have kids, and you take a trip, then the plane goes down! Fuck you and your fake love! I know now you don’t give a flying fuck about my feelings, and whether we want this relationship to go on! I want to fucking get back together with you, but you won’t pick up your goddamned phone!  
(Slams the phone down)  
Saddam: (stops for and moment, then picks the phone up and dial’s Bibi’s number again)  
Naftali Bennett: Hello, who is this?  
Saddam: Bibi! Bibi! Bibi! Pick up!  
Naftali Bennett: First of all, Bibi isn’t home, and second, he doesn’t really want to talk to you right now.  
Saddam: Oh bullshit Naftali, I know he’s with you, he’ll be over you within a week and both of us are going to be having sex! Don’t count on this relationship lasting, Bibi! Bibi! (Shakes the phone)  
Naftali: You’re classified as a hostile entitey, Saddam, and If you don’t stop calling this number, I will get a restraining order against you.  
Saddam: Oh bullshit, you don’t have the guts, Naftali. Bibi! Bibi! Bibi!  
Naftali: Okay, I’m hanging up now and we’re blocking your number. (Hangs up)  
Saddam: Oh you dumb boyfriend-stealing bastard, I swear-(Notices that Naftali Bennett hung up)  
Saddam: Oh, (Starts crying)


End file.
